sasjamal

Who has time to do it 'the nice way'

In a correct world,

Youhave 4 wives, and 15 kids from each wife -

So in about 20 years a 36 year old man will have 60 children to deal with.

You do nt have time to rememebr their NAMES, let alone all of their correct behaivoral patterns.

THey act up, you hit them to be be proficcent in your time,.

Now adays everyone has like one child and they spend 5-6 hours a day 'discpinign that child' PSSH

You spend a few minutes and you get maxium return on investment.,

Youhave to do 100 other things besides waste all that time on children -

And i won't source the Ibn Umar thing.

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sasjamal

Also zubairs mom used to throwhim out into the woods and he was not allowed to eat until he made it back to him mom.

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fatimahye

the issue is not whether other measures could be used because i think everyone agrees there is more than hitting (and i agree hitting is not the best first option)

i think it was just hitting if it's allowed or if it's an effective way

why did the prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam hang a belt/whip in his home as intimidation to keep people reminded and in line

again i think - and lauren summed it up nicely - people are just too soft nowadays

and you're really doing your child a favor if you teach them to be tough

it's a tough world out there, especially for muslims

and the average kid/wife/person out there is NOT obedient - they either don't do what they're told, or lag on it and make excuses (suratul baqarah), or they always question "why" as if they are entitled to explanations before compliance

this is not the way our Ummah should be - if someone has authority over you, you need to respect that and most people don't have this sense of duty or status

i am finding every day that obedience, rather than what they tell you that it's weakness, is actually the toughest thing to do!

so why make it hard on your kids to be good, dutiful, obedient children to you?

they might not like it at first but you will make their way to Jannah so much easier

our kids have to be able to be strong among all this temptation, stay steadfast in this materialistic life, be obedient and respectful to their superiors, face oppression and torture from the kuffaar

not a life for the timid or pampered

i remember (many years back when i had my first daughter hajra) the parenting magazines (which are usually fluff aimed at getting you to buy products) would have the "sippy" cup

now anyone can tell you in the "olden" days you would just teach your child, even a 6 mo. old, to drink from a normal plastic cup

well, they didn't stop there - they had like 5 "stages" for the sippy cup, each designed for the perfect "needs" of a child of the age range - with the right flow of liquid, size handle, etc. - all excuses to make you buy more products

they're doing the same with diapers, etc.

so basically, they are CRIPPLING your children and encouraging RETARDATION

no wonder the average american is so dumb

don't believe all the trash they tell you about being a "nurturing" mother and don't let anyone make you feel guilty, and unfortunately, even among muslim parents, the "best" mothers are often considered by the one who brings in the biggest arsenal of gear for her child - wow she must be a great mother, look at all the stuff she has to carry around to attend to the needs of her child!

i remember many times people would call me a "heartless" mother since for example if my child fell down and got hurt, i would not wail, scream, rush up and cry, "oh, my baby!" but would just sit and see how badly they got hurt and if i needed to intervene at all; if i did, i'd calmly get up and attend to whatever they needed but not before then

it's not heartless

i worry every day about my children and the trials that this life has to offer, emotionally, physically, financially

and alhamdulillah my kids know how to deal with small provision, independence or feeling lonely, pain

sometimes i think of them being tortured and it makes me shudder

if you really love your children, don't shelter them but DO support them as they grapple with the harshness of life

make them as tough as you can without breaking their spirits

let's raise the strongest generation since the good old days

they are our hope for this Ummah's future

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Rose15

Im guessing you parents never hit you?


Zoink!

I was fasting at the age of 7, my mum let me

Shes hot like that

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Rose15

Yea, its all to do with the situation, time and place

like my mum would hit us when we got out of line

Not just every time

Once me and my cousin went to the shops without telling our mums (both of us around 7)

When we got back, his mum didnt care.

My mum beat me into the future!

I never forgot that, but now i realise that at the time, my fathers family said they would kidnap us and take the children away from my mum.

So she would worry if we were not in her sight :D

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Rose15

fatima i aint read all ur posts in here

but u shud be mum of the year?

na?

ha?

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Mujaheedah_18

It is one of Allah's blessings to the Muslim that He enables him to fast in the daytime of Ramadan and spend its nights in prayer. It is a month in which good deeds are multiplied and people are raised in status, when Allah frees some of His servants from the Hellfire. So the Muslim should strive to make the most of this month to attain the goodness it brings; he should hasten to worshiping Allah night and day.

Such great blessing of Allah is obvious in considering people who have been deprived of tasting the sweetness of this month because of sickness, death or misguidance! A Muslim must make use of this blessed month to get his children accustomed to the ethics and morals of fasting.

A Muslim must make the most of his time during this month. He has an unavoidable duty toward his children, to raise them well and bring them up properly, to urge them to do all kinds of good deeds and make them get used to that. A child usually grows up in the manner to which the parents make him or her accustomed.

During the blessed days of Ramadan, fathers and mothers have a great role to play in seizing this good occasion for their own benefit and for that of their children, and we can offer parents the following advice:

1. Check on the children's fasting and encourage those who fall short in this regard.

2. Remind them about the real nature of fasting, and that it is not just giving up food and drink, but it is a means of attaining taqwa (piety), and that it is an opportunity for sins to be forgiven and expiated.

It was reported by Abu Hurairah that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) ascended the pulpit and said Ameen: It was said to him , "O Messenger of Allah, why did you do that?" He said, "Jibreel said to me, 'May Allah curse a person who lets Ramadan elapse without having his sins forgiven,' and I (Prophet Muhammad) said, 'Ameen.' Then he said, 'May Allah curse the one who lives to see his parents grow old, one or both of them, but he does not enter Paradise,' and I said, 'Ameen.' Then he said, 'May Allah curse the one in whose presence you (the Prophet) are mentioned and he does not send blessings upon you,' and I said, 'Ameen. ' (Reported by Ibn Khuzaymah, At-Tirmidhi, Ahmad and Ibn Hibban)

3. Teach them the manners and rulings of eating, such as eating with the right hand from what is directly in front of them, reminding them that extravagance is haram (unlawful) and harmful to the body.

4. Don't let them spend too long on eating iftar so that they don't miss performing Maghrib prayer in congregation.

5. Remind them about the situation of the poor and destitute who cannot find even a morsel of food to satisfy their hunger. Remind them of the situation of those who have migrated or are fighting in jihad for the sake of Allah in all places.

6. Use these gatherings to bring relatives together and uphold the ties of kinship. This custom still exists in some countries, and it is an opportunity to reconcile and mend broken ties between relatives.

7. Work together as a family to prepare the food and to clean up and put away the leftovers.

8. Remind the children to perform Taraweeh Prayer and to prepare for it by not eating too much and to get ready in time to perform the prayer in the mosque, (if a mosque is nearby. If you do not live close to a mosque, perform Taraweeh Prayer together as a family and try to take them to a mosque for Taraweeh Prayers at least on the weekends.)

9. Remind the children of the blessing of suhoor (pre-dawn meal) and that it gives a person the strength to fast.

10. Remind the children of the virtue of the time before Fajr prayer for those who have not prayed Witr to pray it then and to make a lot of du`a'.

11. If you live close enough to a mosque, perform Fajr prayer in congregation in the mosque. If not, perform Fajr at home after eating suhoor, before sleeping again. Many people wake up at the end of the night to eat, then they go back to bed and neglect Fajr prayer.

12. It was the practice of the Prophet (peace be upon him) in the last ten days of Ramadan to stay up at night and wake his family. This indicates that the family should pay attention to making the most of this blessed time in doing things that are pleasing to Allah.

So the husband should wake his wife and children to do what will bring them closer to their Lord.

13. Encourage the young children in the house to observe fasting; urge your little kids to get up for suhoor, praise them and reward them for the days they fast.

It was narrated that Ar-Rubayyi` bint Mu`awwidh said: On the morning of `Ashura' (10th of Muharram), the Prophet (peace be upon him) sent word to the villages of the Ansar saying, "Whoever started out not fasting, let him not eat for the rest of the day, and whoever started the day fasting, let him fast." She said: We used to fast and make our children fast, [and take them to the mosques] and make toys for them out of wool, then if one of them cried for food we would give him that toy until iftar. (Reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim; the words in brackets were narrated by Muslim.)

An-Nawawi said: "This Hadith shows that we should train children to do acts of worship and get them used to that, but they are not accountable. Al-Qadi said: It was narrated from `Urwah that when they became able to fast it becomes obligatory upon them. This is a mistake which is disproved by the authentic Hadith which reads, 'The Pen is lifted from three ( i.e., their deeds are not recorded): a child until he reaches puberty; an insane man until he comes to his senses; and one who is asleep until he wakes up.'" (Sahih Muslim, 8/14)

14. The husband should not overburden his wife by asking her to prepare food and sweets. Many people go to extremes in this month to prepare fancy foods and drinks. This detracts from the sweetness of this month and goes against the reason for fasting, which is to attain piety.

15. Read the Qur'an together as a family. Parents should teach the children how to recite Qur'an and help them to understand the meanings of the verses.

16. Encourage the children to spend on the needy and to offer any assistance to the neighbors.

It was narrated that Ibn Abbas said: The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) was the most generous of people, and he was at his most generous during Ramadan when Jibreel met him. He would meet him each night and revise the Qur'an with him. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) was more generous than the blowing wind. (Reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

17. Prevent your children from staying up late at night and wasting their time in things that are of no benefit, let alone haram things.

18 . Remember the family's gathering in Allah's Paradise in the Hereafter, and the great joy of meeting there under the shade of His Throne.

19 . If possible, the parents should take the family for Umrah in Ramadan, for that will benefit them all in the Hereafter. Umrah during Ramadan has the same reward as Haj.

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