training kids this Ramadan

Umm Rumaisa · 09-27-2006, 04:21 PM

Seven Strategies to Train Kids this Ramadan

By: Shehnaz Toorawa

Oct. 5, 2005

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)
said, "No father has given a greater gift to his children than good moral
training." (Tirmidhi)

The many aspects of Ramadan—fasting, prayers, moral values, charity, Qur'an,
family, `Eid—provide a valuable opportunity to train kids. Whether they are
your own kids or kids you teach, education or training isn't an automatic or
easy process. Children don't bring empty minds and fill them with what we
say. Training requires effort, energy, and a few techniques to take off.

Here are some training tips and techniques to transform your children's
minds and memories this Ramadan:

(1) Let them get their Hands Dirty

"The great aim of education is not knowledge, but action." Herbert Spencer

Children learn by "doing." On average, students retain 75% of a lesson when
they learn through hands-on activities compared to 5% through a lecture or
10% through reading (Brunmer, Jerome).

If, for example, you want to teach your kids the concept of zakah, get them
to help you calculate your zakah, decide where to send the money, and mail
the envelopes. Action and implementation can occur while children learn, not
necessarily after!

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) used to bring his
grandchildren Hassan and Hussein to the mosque as toddlers before they knew
how to pray.

A concept becomes real and important to children when they experience it
rather than simply read about it. They'll remember how to do it years later
when you may catch them telling their friends "I've been calculating zakah
since I was a kid!"

(2) Involve their Emotions

When children get emotionally involved in an activity, they rarely want to
leave it. Video games and TV shows target children's emotions. As parents
and educators, we can use the same technique for training.

Stories, songs, skits, crafts, and games grab children's emotions. Once a
child is interested and excited, they're more likely to stay attentive till
the end and get the message you want to give. Just as we remember events in
our lives that were emotionally significant, children remember concepts
learned through activities that were "fun," "funny," "exciting," or
"different."

Don't be afraid to stir some fun into your training—you don't have to lose
any content. Write a song about `Eid, create a Hadith treasure box, organize
a Ramadan trivia night, or read a story about Ramadan in Madinah. If the
kids enjoy it, they'll come back for more!

(3) Reveal the Purpose

We often hear students complain, "why do we have to do this?" or "this math
exercise is pointless." Unfortunately, we often hear responses like "because
I'm telling you to," or "because you have to," or worse, "you'll get a new
CD player if you finish the book."

Like us, if children don't see the purpose or importance of an action, they
won't have the motivation to complete it. To avoid getting similar comments
from your kids about prayer or fasting, make sure they understand the
purpose. Before you begin any lesson, whether it's a story about the
companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)
or an `Eid craft, explain exactly why you are the doing the activity and
what benefits the children will gain from it.

Remind your children that they are doing acts of worship to please Allah,
not you. Explain why we need to please Allah and how every action, including
washing dishes or math homework, will help us achieve that goal. If children
are praying only to please you, when you leave, their motivation and prayers
will disappear.

If children are motivated to fast Ramadan or complete the Qur'an for a
material incentive (like a CD player), they may never develop a love of
Allah or an intrinsic desire to perform the action. They may, instead, learn
to value material rewards and when the rewards disappear, the actions may
disappear with them.

Help your children understand that for Muslims, rewards don't necessarily
always come in this life. They may have to wait for the bigger and better
rewards of the hereafter.

(4) Highlight the Big Ideas

"Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in
school."
Albert Einstein

Ask yourself how many equations or formulas you remember from your Grade 12
math textbook. It may be five, two, or none. Let's be honest—most of us
retained very little of the details we learned.

Children will not retain all the fiqh rulings of zakah, wudu', or Salah, and
they won't need to! Make sure the little that they retain is exactly what
you want them to remember. Focus on the big ideas, such as the awareness
that Allah is watching us, that we get our rulings from the Qur'an and the
Sunnah, that Prayer is a means of self-purification, etc. Repeat these ideas
every day in different ways. While your children instil these principles in
their minds, show them how to learn the rest on their own when they need it.

Help your kids learn "how to learn." Teach them where to find the fiqh
information they need or how to research a topic and who to ask for
information. They will be better prepared if they master the basics and know
how to get the specifics. Memorizing every ruling will be a waste of their
time and yours.

(5) Let them Lead!

Children often take responsibilities more seriously than adults. The Prophet
(peace and blessings be upon him) appointed Usamah ibn Zaid who was a young
boy at the time, as commander of the Muslim army although many older and
more experienced companions were present. The Prophet (peace and blessings
be upon him) trusted Usamah's capability for the position.

Give children leadership over important tasks and step out of the picture.
Assign one child to wake up all his siblings for suhur. Let someone else be
in charge of updating the iftar time every evening. Allow the children to
plan, budget, and buy `Eid gifts for all the relatives. Let them choose
which task they want to be in charge of.

Allow children to make mistakes and realize on their own what they should
have done. Experience often trains better than instruction. Once a child
goes out into the cold without a jacket, he'll remember, before you can
remind him, to put on his jacket next time.

Train kids to be responsible for their own learning. If a child asks, "Does
brushing teeth break my fast?" a simple "yes" or "no" may give them the
answer, but it won't provide any long-term training. Ask them instead,
"Where can you look to find that answer? Let's do some research."

Begin the month of Ramadan by asking your children to do a research project
on what breaks the fast and what does not. If they find the information
themselves, they are likely to remember it and know exactly where to get it
again next year.

"The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and
change." Carl Rogers

(6) Get Excited!

"Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire." W. B.
Yeats

Kids catch on to your enthusiasm. Show some excitement and passion about the
topic you're teaching. Show your kids that you can't wait for Ramadan to
begin. Be cheerful at Prayer times. Decorate the house in anticipation of
`Eid.

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) taught by example. His
character and actions motivated people to love and emulate him. Be the
example you want your kids to be. Make a genuine effort to love the
activities you want your kids to love.

7) Combine Love with Learning

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) would greet children warmly by
hugging them, kissing them and picking them up.

Abu Huraira reported that al-Aqra' b. Habis saw the Prophet (peace and
blessings be upon him) kissing Hasan. He said "I have ten children, but I
have never kissed any one of them," whereupon Allah's Messenger (peace and
blessings be upon him) said: He who does not show mercy (towards his
children), no mercy would be shown to him. (Muslim)

Show children that you love them, regardless of how they perform. Allow each
child to progress at their own pace. Saying, "look at your cousin Aminah!
She's already finished the 15th Juz," will only lower your child's
self-esteem and discourage what she's already accomplishing.

Excessive competition and comparison can often result in helplessness and
lack of motivation for children who learn in different ways or at a slower
pace. Allow children to judge their own progress and compare themselves to
their former level rather than that of others.

Make this Ramadan the beginning of a memorable and long-lasting training
experience for you and your children!

Sources:

Bruner, Jerome S. The Process of Education. Cambridge, Mass: Harvard
University Press, 1977. Shehnaz Toorawa holds a degree in Education from the
University of Toronto and a diploma in Islamic Studies from the American
Open Universit

musaafirah 57 · 09-27-2006, 10:05 PM

I liked that, jazakillah khayr. I've noticed that most parents think forcing your 6 year old to go all day without snack or lunch at school is called "training your kids this Ramadan" :/

I suggest that parents should follow the above suggestions especially when dealing with young children. Train them by getting them to understand the virtues (fadaa'il) of acts of worship...and the increase in blessings during the month of Ramadan. If you want them to practice fasting, then get them to try fasting with you on the weekend. Or tell them to try fasting maybe half of the school day (i.e. until it's time for lunch : ) I don't think it's a good idea to send them to school all day without any snack or lunch at all though...as young children they can't really function with rumbly tummies. Making them do so might only make them dread the idea of fasting...wallahu a`lam

Abu Anas · 09-27-2006, 11:56 PM

Maashaa'allaah, that was a good piece with excellent advice.
Jazaakillaahu khayran.

***fatimahye*** · 09-28-2006, 06:25 AM

sis musaafirah (long time eh lol how ya doin?

)

i dont necessarily agree

i'm all for the "let's love and learn!" model to an extent

alhamdulillah i feel i have some of the best kids on earth

they're not perfect but quite mature and understand the deen alhamdulillah

i am nice, but not so sugary with them

i feel the whole barney method which is so popular actually cripples children and makes them dumb

i do agree to look and make sure you don't push kids past their limit so some flexibility is good

but i hate to break it to everyone - parenting is tough and sometimes you are tough on your kids so they will be tough too

of course they wont like it while you do it but they'll be better for it and eventually love you for it

the one good thing i believe i've consistently always offered my children no matter what is honest communication

they can ask me about ANYTHING and they have, and i've ALWAYS answered them factually and honestly despite the topic or their age (i did make it age appropriate but didn't evade the issue)

that's why alhamdulillah they trust me

they trust me more than any kaafir or peer influence (again not that they will never be tempted but the fact they can talk to me about it they have a firm ground)

anyway, taking a long time to say - nice isn't always better

and specifically about putting children through hardship with fasting - i believe that is noble; i remember hearing the Companions radhi'allaahu 'anhum would even lessen the nursing of their infants out of respect for the fasting

so i think even if conventional wisdom makes us think - poor little things they won't be able to function etc.

this is where the "love" part comes in - tell them they can do it and even force them to sometimes just to prove it to them and be so proud of them when they do

they won't be able to believe what they can achieve

but first the parents have to believe it

***sasjamal*** · 09-28-2006, 11:22 AM

You hit them. Its the way.

Khadijah~UmmZakariyyah · 09-28-2006, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sasjamal

You hit them. Its the way.

When they are TEN right?!?!?!?!?!

***sasjamal*** · 09-28-2006, 01:04 PM

At 10 if they do not pray, you 'have' to hit them.

Before that and for anything else, its an optional thing. But at the age of 10, you 'have to'

So at the age of 5 if they look funny, you can probably hit them.

jondallah · 09-28-2006, 05:24 PM

sorry...if they look funny?

Helper · 09-28-2006, 05:26 PM

he means if they have eight fingers or if they have horns sticking out of their head. Yes...

Stuck in Prison · 09-28-2006, 06:42 PM

thats funny.

09-27-2006, 04:21 PM	#1
Umm Rumaisa rumi tumi Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: UK Posts: 643 My Mood: Gender:	training kids this Ramadan Seven Strategies to Train Kids this Ramadan By: Shehnaz Toorawa Oct. 5, 2005 The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "No father has given a greater gift to his children than good moral training." (Tirmidhi) The many aspects of Ramadan—fasting, prayers, moral values, charity, Qur'an, family, `Eid—provide a valuable opportunity to train kids. Whether they are your own kids or kids you teach, education or training isn't an automatic or easy process. Children don't bring empty minds and fill them with what we say. Training requires effort, energy, and a few techniques to take off. Here are some training tips and techniques to transform your children's minds and memories this Ramadan: (1) Let them get their Hands Dirty "The great aim of education is not knowledge, but action." Herbert Spencer Children learn by "doing." On average, students retain 75% of a lesson when they learn through hands-on activities compared to 5% through a lecture or 10% through reading (Brunmer, Jerome). If, for example, you want to teach your kids the concept of zakah, get them to help you calculate your zakah, decide where to send the money, and mail the envelopes. Action and implementation can occur while children learn, not necessarily after! The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) used to bring his grandchildren Hassan and Hussein to the mosque as toddlers before they knew how to pray. A concept becomes real and important to children when they experience it rather than simply read about it. They'll remember how to do it years later when you may catch them telling their friends "I've been calculating zakah since I was a kid!" (2) Involve their Emotions When children get emotionally involved in an activity, they rarely want to leave it. Video games and TV shows target children's emotions. As parents and educators, we can use the same technique for training. Stories, songs, skits, crafts, and games grab children's emotions. Once a child is interested and excited, they're more likely to stay attentive till the end and get the message you want to give. Just as we remember events in our lives that were emotionally significant, children remember concepts learned through activities that were "fun," "funny," "exciting," or "different." Don't be afraid to stir some fun into your training—you don't have to lose any content. Write a song about `Eid, create a Hadith treasure box, organize a Ramadan trivia night, or read a story about Ramadan in Madinah. If the kids enjoy it, they'll come back for more! (3) Reveal the Purpose We often hear students complain, "why do we have to do this?" or "this math exercise is pointless." Unfortunately, we often hear responses like "because I'm telling you to," or "because you have to," or worse, "you'll get a new CD player if you finish the book." Like us, if children don't see the purpose or importance of an action, they won't have the motivation to complete it. To avoid getting similar comments from your kids about prayer or fasting, make sure they understand the purpose. Before you begin any lesson, whether it's a story about the companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) or an `Eid craft, explain exactly why you are the doing the activity and what benefits the children will gain from it. Remind your children that they are doing acts of worship to please Allah, not you. Explain why we need to please Allah and how every action, including washing dishes or math homework, will help us achieve that goal. If children are praying only to please you, when you leave, their motivation and prayers will disappear. If children are motivated to fast Ramadan or complete the Qur'an for a material incentive (like a CD player), they may never develop a love of Allah or an intrinsic desire to perform the action. They may, instead, learn to value material rewards and when the rewards disappear, the actions may disappear with them. Help your children understand that for Muslims, rewards don't necessarily always come in this life. They may have to wait for the bigger and better rewards of the hereafter. (4) Highlight the Big Ideas "Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school." Albert Einstein Ask yourself how many equations or formulas you remember from your Grade 12 math textbook. It may be five, two, or none. Let's be honest—most of us retained very little of the details we learned. Children will not retain all the fiqh rulings of zakah, wudu', or Salah, and they won't need to! Make sure the little that they retain is exactly what you want them to remember. Focus on the big ideas, such as the awareness that Allah is watching us, that we get our rulings from the Qur'an and the Sunnah, that Prayer is a means of self-purification, etc. Repeat these ideas every day in different ways. While your children instil these principles in their minds, show them how to learn the rest on their own when they need it. Help your kids learn "how to learn." Teach them where to find the fiqh information they need or how to research a topic and who to ask for information. They will be better prepared if they master the basics and know how to get the specifics. Memorizing every ruling will be a waste of their time and yours. (5) Let them Lead! Children often take responsibilities more seriously than adults. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) appointed Usamah ibn Zaid who was a young boy at the time, as commander of the Muslim army although many older and more experienced companions were present. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) trusted Usamah's capability for the position. Give children leadership over important tasks and step out of the picture. Assign one child to wake up all his siblings for suhur. Let someone else be in charge of updating the iftar time every evening. Allow the children to plan, budget, and buy `Eid gifts for all the relatives. Let them choose which task they want to be in charge of. Allow children to make mistakes and realize on their own what they should have done. Experience often trains better than instruction. Once a child goes out into the cold without a jacket, he'll remember, before you can remind him, to put on his jacket next time. Train kids to be responsible for their own learning. If a child asks, "Does brushing teeth break my fast?" a simple "yes" or "no" may give them the answer, but it won't provide any long-term training. Ask them instead, "Where can you look to find that answer? Let's do some research." Begin the month of Ramadan by asking your children to do a research project on what breaks the fast and what does not. If they find the information themselves, they are likely to remember it and know exactly where to get it again next year. "The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change." Carl Rogers (6) Get Excited! "Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire." W. B. Yeats Kids catch on to your enthusiasm. Show some excitement and passion about the topic you're teaching. Show your kids that you can't wait for Ramadan to begin. Be cheerful at Prayer times. Decorate the house in anticipation of `Eid. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) taught by example. His character and actions motivated people to love and emulate him. Be the example you want your kids to be. Make a genuine effort to love the activities you want your kids to love. 7) Combine Love with Learning The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) would greet children warmly by hugging them, kissing them and picking them up. Abu Huraira reported that al-Aqra' b. Habis saw the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) kissing Hasan. He said "I have ten children, but I have never kissed any one of them," whereupon Allah's Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said: He who does not show mercy (towards his children), no mercy would be shown to him. (Muslim) Show children that you love them, regardless of how they perform. Allow each child to progress at their own pace. Saying, "look at your cousin Aminah! She's already finished the 15th Juz," will only lower your child's self-esteem and discourage what she's already accomplishing. Excessive competition and comparison can often result in helplessness and lack of motivation for children who learn in different ways or at a slower pace. Allow children to judge their own progress and compare themselves to their former level rather than that of others. Make this Ramadan the beginning of a memorable and long-lasting training experience for you and your children! Sources: Bruner, Jerome S. The Process of Education. Cambridge, Mass: Harvard University Press, 1977. Shehnaz Toorawa holds a degree in Education from the University of Toronto and a diploma in Islamic Studies from the American Open Universit __________________ 'To light a single candle is better than to sit and complain about a thousand darknesses'

09-27-2006, 10:05 PM	#2
musaafirah 57 Life is a journey Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 857 My Mood: Gender:	I liked that, jazakillah khayr. I've noticed that most parents think forcing your 6 year old to go all day without snack or lunch at school is called "training your kids this Ramadan" :/ I suggest that parents should follow the above suggestions especially when dealing with young children. Train them by getting them to understand the virtues (fadaa'il) of acts of worship...and the increase in blessings during the month of Ramadan. If you want them to practice fasting, then get them to try fasting with you on the weekend. Or tell them to try fasting maybe half of the school day (i.e. until it's time for lunch : ) I don't think it's a good idea to send them to school all day without any snack or lunch at all though...as young children they can't really function with rumbly tummies. Making them do so might only make them dread the idea of fasting...wallahu a`lam __________________ ليس الغريب غريب الشام و اليمن... بل الغريب غريب اللحد و الكفن ليس اليتيم الذي ماتا والداه... بل اليتيم يتيم العلم و الدين

09-28-2006, 06:25 AM	#4
*fatimahye* Admin Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 1,386 Gender:	sis musaafirah (long time eh lol how ya doin? ) i dont necessarily agree i'm all for the "let's love and learn!" model to an extent alhamdulillah i feel i have some of the best kids on earth they're not perfect but quite mature and understand the deen alhamdulillah i am nice, but not so sugary with them i feel the whole barney method which is so popular actually cripples children and makes them dumb i do agree to look and make sure you don't push kids past their limit so some flexibility is good but i hate to break it to everyone - parenting is tough and sometimes you are tough on your kids so they will be tough too of course they wont like it while you do it but they'll be better for it and eventually love you for it the one good thing i believe i've consistently always offered my children no matter what is honest communication they can ask me about ANYTHING and they have, and i've ALWAYS answered them factually and honestly despite the topic or their age (i did make it age appropriate but didn't evade the issue) that's why alhamdulillah they trust me they trust me more than any kaafir or peer influence (again not that they will never be tempted but the fact they can talk to me about it they have a firm ground) anyway, taking a long time to say - nice isn't always better and specifically about putting children through hardship with fasting - i believe that is noble; i remember hearing the Companions radhi'allaahu 'anhum would even lessen the nursing of their infants out of respect for the fasting so i think even if conventional wisdom makes us think - poor little things they won't be able to function etc. this is where the "love" part comes in - tell them they can do it and even force them to sometimes just to prove it to them and be so proud of them when they do they won't be able to believe what they can achieve but first the parents have to believe it __________________ -IN Arts Director (fatimahye.muslimpad.com) Unite and Conquer: www.IslamicNetwork.com/www.CagePrisoners.com

09-28-2006, 11:22 AM	#5
*sasjamal* I do believe it's working Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 2,809 My Mood: Gender:	You hit them. Its the way. __________________ Sas, Technical Director http://sasjamal.muslimpad.com/ Unite and Conquer www.islamicnetwork.com

09-28-2006, 01:04 PM	#7
*sasjamal* I do believe it's working Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 2,809 My Mood: Gender:	At 10 if they do not pray, you 'have' to hit them. Before that and for anything else, its an optional thing. But at the age of 10, you 'have to' So at the age of 5 if they look funny, you can probably hit them. __________________ Sas, Technical Director http://sasjamal.muslimpad.com/ Unite and Conquer www.islamicnetwork.com

09-27-2006, 11:56 PM	#3
Abu Anas Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 573 Gender:	Maashaa'allaah, that was a good piece with excellent advice. Jazaakillaahu khayran.

09-28-2006, 05:24 PM	#8
jondallah Submit! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: UK Posts: 631 My Mood: Gender:	sorry...if they look funny? __________________ "Let him who believes in Allah and the last day, speak good or remain silent" want what you have, have what you need. sarah_c www.challengeyoursoul.com

09-28-2006, 05:26 PM	#9
Helper I need $60,000... :( Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: not far from you Posts: 1,773 My Mood: Gender:	he means if they have eight fingers or if they have horns sticking out of their head. Yes... __________________ Maybe someday you'll see my face among the crowd Maybe someday I'll share your little distant cloud Oh, Cherie Amour, pretty little one that I adore You're the only girl my heart beats for How I wish that you were mine

09-28-2006, 06:42 PM	#10
Stuck in Prison Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 684 My Mood: Gender:	thats funny.

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